Hey could you guys help me with copywriting?

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Basically I'm writing a script for an ad and i said to myself: i dont know where to start. but i said fuck it im just gonna start and ask where ive gone wrong later. Any help in refining my script is a GODSEND. For reference here are the products i'm promoting: 1 and 2. Thank you all very much.

Hey there you. Yes, you. You’re a gamer who is looking to dive headfirst into Pc gaming. You know about the absurdly high framerates, the crisp graphics, and the ever-loved steam sales; all things that console gamers just can’t understand. You want the benefits of PC gaming but you’re not prepared to give up the controller and the lounge experience. We know this problem all too well. That’s why we created the RAVEN Z1 series of computers. You have the choice between an easy-to-use, stress-free, console-size gaming desktop or an ultra-portable, TV-and-controller-ready gaming notebook; or both if that’s your cup of tea.

How could this possibly be better than any other radiator-sized gaming tower or a run-of-the-mill gaming laptop from JB Hi Fi? We’ll tell you how. All RAVEN Z1 gaming computers come with specially engineered software which provide a seamless console-like experience on a glorious PC. One of these programs installed on the computer allow you to type and move the cursor with only a controller. This is great for menus and applications that usually don’t allow you to navigate them with controllers. Another added bonus is that you can open steam big picture, a console dashboard, at any time you want with the press of a guide button.

All gaming computer manufacturers today create laptops which use two separate drives, and force you to manage what goes where. They give you one tiny but fast solid state drive, and a slower but larger hard drive. This gives you great speed and large amounts of file space, but creates nightmares. When that tiny solid state drive runs out of space, you have to endure the pain of uninstalling games from the solid state and re-downloading them onto the hard drive. To fix this issue, we bring you the solid state hybrid drive; a single drive that gives you amazing boot times, along with the capacity of a hard disk drive. This eliminates the nightmares that a dual-drive setup causes.

Along with super-simple navigation, both the raven Z1 desktop and laptop sport console-crushing specs. The Raven Z1 Laptop almost matches the performance of today’s most powerful console, and the raven z1 desktop beats it by a mile. Now that you know why RAVEN Z1 is the best way to dive into PC gaming, I pose one last question to you. Would you prefer a desktop or a laptop?

RAVEN Z1 by Konoto. Eazy use. Eazy play.

Again thank you, any suggestions on how to improve and reach out to customers will be greatly appreciated.

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